Book Description Review “Vellos, a user experience designer and founder of the discussion series Better Than Small Talk, brings her social know-how to the masses with her marvelous debut handbook on adult friendship. After moving to the San Francisco Bay Area and having a tough time making long-term, quality friends, Vellos decided to study experiences of friendship. In interviews, discussions, and surveys, she found that most people reported a feeling she calls platonic longing. Vellos attributes this longing to the quest for friendship being stymied by frequent moves, busyness, other relationship commitments, and “antisocial media.” She is a firm believer that vulnerability and hard work are the keys to overcoming these obstacles and building quality connections, and her book lays out strategies for cultivating friendships both new and old.There is so much to love about this handbook. Vellos’s writing is easy and conversational; she shares stories of cooking with housemates and neighbors as if chatting with the reader over a meal. Such anecdotes are seamlessly accompanied by robust research that helps readers understand the value of relationships in measurable ways. At the end of each chapter, a “Try it” section is filled with activities, journal prompts, and more invitations to dig deeper. Vellos’s own charming drawings complement the text.Vellos powerfully and personally challenges the reader. Her tips are more like life coaching sessions, pushing her audience to defy awkwardness and ask thoughtful questions. Those reading this book to improve their friendships may end up improving themselves as well. The only limitation is that Vellos’s advice is focused on face-to-face relationships in urban environments, and much of it is applicable in other situations. If every person who reads this book takes it to heart, there will be a lot more friendship in the world.Takeaway: This tender, practical handbook will help lonely millennials, isolated parents, the recently heartbroken, and anyone else eager for more and better friendships.Great for fans of Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, Brené Brown, and Mari Andrew.”–BookLife by Publishers Weekly”There is so much to love about this handbook. If every person who reads this book takes it to heart, there will be a lot more friendship in the world.” — BookLife, a subsidiary of Publishers Weekly”Tips, tricks, and a sense of comfort are what Vellos grants those who could use a little help in the friend department. She lays out key ingredients for how to stop the excuses and change your life. Vellos is committed to raising the happiness level among the population–the only prescription is more friendship!” — San Francisco Book Review “…The sheer amount of energy and inventiveness on display in these pages, engagingly written and illustrated by the author, will give even the most jaded some hope for more friendships in the future. A heartfelt and winningly optimistic guide to understanding–and finding more–friendship.” — Kirkus Review”Loved it! You may not think you need it, but there’s something for everyone in these pages and the most adorable illustrations too!” — Reedsy Discovery”Deep and thorough in its exploration of all the facets of friendship. This book is truly a gift.” — Laura Parker, MFT, founder of Transforming Loneliness Read more About the Author Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful connections, the loneliness epidemic, community-building, and healthy work environments. She’s the author of “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships” which was called “marvelous” by BookLife, a subsidiary of Publishers Weekly, and which Kirkus Reviews compared to the work of Norman Vincent Peale and Cicero. Since its release in January 2020, it’s been helping adults around the world heal from disconnection and loneliness. Kat has twenty years’ experience creating communities where people find belonging and authentic connection. A veteran facilitator, she founded Better than Small Talk and Bay Area Black Designers which was profiled by Forbes. Both groups have created community for hundreds of people across the San Francisco Bay Area and beyond. She’s also a seasoned researcher and UX designer. She’s worked for Slack, Pandora, and multiple Silicon Valley startups. She’s graced the stage as a speaker for Design for America, UX Week, Social Good Tech Week, the Transforming Loneliness Summit, AIGA SF, and many more. Kat has now turned her UX expertise towards combating the loneliness epidemic, by helping millions of people experience greater wellness and fulfillment through thriving platonic relationships. Read more Customers Review: This book resonated with me so much. Maintaining friendships as an adult can be a challenge. Kat Vellos did a good job explaining the current stat of friendships in our 21st centrist world and what we can do to improve them. I highly recommend this book!
This beautiful book inspired me and exceeded my expectations – it is refreshingly approachable, has a lovely tone that makes it easy to read, and is full of practical take-aways and thought provoking ideas.I finished the book with a few key things I’m excited to try as I cultivate and deepen the friendships in my life. I had more than a few aha moments reading it, and I think our world and our neighborhoods will all be richer if people follow some of the sage advice in these pages.This is an unbiased review based on an advance copy of the book that I was very fortunate to get my hands on, which I am posting now that the book is widely available.
I found this book super refreshing and helpful. I wrote this review based on an advance reading copy (PDF) that the publisher sent me. I think talking about the quality of our friendships and loneliness is taboo, at least in American society – and Kat Vellos is helping to break the silence on these important topics, using candor, compassion and humor. After drawing upon research that puts our friendships and sense of belonging or loneliness in the context of both urban and virtual landscapes, Kat then provides really practical tools to help you reflect on your own relationships, and to improve them or generate new, meaningful ones. The exercises were very revealing for me, and though I felt a little vulnerable admitting to myself what I wanted more of, in terms of friendship, I also felt relieved as I discovered next steps I can take. If you are struggling with making meaningful friendships, this is likely to be a helpful book for you. What’s more, as a social worker, I found this book useful for deepening my understanding of what belonging can look like in our society today.
I devoured this book and will return to it again and again.Kat is both generous and thoughtful.From her experience navigating friendships, or a lack thereof, she has created a variety of actionable tools and processes for understanding our individual friendship needs, setting friendship goals, and achieving those goals.I appreciated the applicability of the practices, her delightful voice, and the ease with which I felt myself taking a good look at the friendships in my life and how I behave in or toward them.Launch 2020 off right – with this book in hand as you work your way toward a goal of greater connection.I had the opportunity to review an advance copy of the book and am thrilled it is now widely available so I can share with my network.P.S. – Her sketches are :fire:
I received a copy of this book from the author as a pre-release and although I haven’t quite finished it yet (family/holiday time cut into my reading!), I already know I will buy a physical copy for myself and friends. I have been recommending it to friends who are moving to new places and struggling to meet people, because although I moved over five years ago, I’m only now starting to develop closer friendships. Adult friendships can be so hard to come by when you’re moving every few years, like I (and so many of my peers) have. Cultivating new friendships in your late 20s and 30s is difficult because we’re focused on our careers, families, and it’s tiring to find times to get together even when we live in the same city. This book has motivated me to reconnect with languishing acquaintances and friends who were on the cusp of becoming GOOD friends in my inner circle. I can’t wait to read more!
I loved this book! It is full of wise observations, deep research, thoughtful suggestions, friendly encouragement. I met Kat at one of her Better Than Small Talk events. She sent me an advance copy of this book and I am leaving an honest review. If you, like me, have many acquaintances but few friends and have felt discouraged by the many obstacles to enduring, life-enhancing friendship, this book offers so much insight into how this happens and what to do about it. Plus, the book is fun and playful and a joy to read. Like anything, changing my friendship situation requires work, but I have already tried some of the suggestions and I am finding that, step by step, I am starting to enjoy higher quality, more real, and more satisfying friendships. I feel very strongly that the quality of our relationships is key to how meaningful our life is. Kat’s book makes a great contribution to increasing the connection that many of us need.
“We Should Get Together” is a delightful timely reminder of the healing properties and joys harvested through adulthood friendships. Vellos invites the reader into a garden on testimonies and useful tools for cultivating and sustaining healthy, intentional, and meaningful friendships. Building grown-up friendships isn’t easy, and “We Should Get Together” is an eloquent reminder that it doesn’t have to be a lost cause! Making meaningful friendships and connections takes intention and work, and Vellos does a fine job of encouraging us to take inventory and hold ourselves accountable to DO the work, and embrace the rewards. “We Should Get Together” is more than a good read, it’s a friendship action plan. Whether seeking new approaches and insight to making new friendships, or doable practices to put in place for the upkeep and wellness for existing friendships, this read will inspire you to prioritize the value of friendship, and to be a great friend. |
15 reviews